Disintegration 10/29/2009
 
I try to be positive. I really do. But some days, it's nearly impossible. 

Today is one of those days. 

It's a day where the weather is already bringing you down (forecast for St. Louis all month = perpetual rainfall), and then you add all these other factors that culminate in a desperate, pathetic breakdown that only a few people can understand and even fewer have dealt with firsthand. It's hard to believe I let things get so bad, but honestly, who can deal with all of this? 

It's times like these I have a few people I can really, truly depend on. If this tour of duty has done me only one thing, it's who my real friends are versus my acquaintances. Sometimes that line seems blurry, like at the start of this journey with Steve where people would ask, "How are you?" and seemed truly concerned. But as time has gone on, those who truly care stand out and everyone else falls by the wayside. It's unfortunate that this happens, but at least I know who the true friends are now. 

No one here really understands what I'm going through, and it's super frustrating. I wish more of my friends knew what this was like - dealing with the distance and college and a thousand other troubles - because it can be so difficult some days (like today). But what can you do?
 


Comments

Anonymous

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 4:44:50 pm

I don't usually like to comment on here, but I will say that I started a long distance relationship when you did, and the relationship became short distance about the time yours was halfway to his return.

It's a harrowing, lonely, and often miserable experience, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.

If you're strong enough to make it through and you feel this person is worth it, good luck to you. But don't be afraid to reach out and get some help. Half the time my person was away I was medicated for depression and anxiety.

Good luck. Things will look up.

 

Megan

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 4:53:07 pm

Yeah I have seasonal depression that I'm stubborn about getting medicated for, but keeping the friend base I have and having a great family has helped a great deal. I'm hesitant about medications but if it gets any harder that might be the next option. Hopefully when he's back in state at a base here the situation will be better.

Thank you for your comment. I wouldn't wish this upon anyone either; I just wish more people were sensitive to how difficult this life can be rather than shrugging it off as has happened over the year.

 

Samantha

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 6:08:16 pm

Well...while our deployments have some differences, I completely understand! Particularly the "shrugging it off" stuff, and being left out of numerous activities because I am couple-less, or just flat out not caring. I definitely have seen some true colors of some once "BFFs" of mine. Let's see how they feel when my honey returns and I brush them off....cause that's coming. ;)

Anyhoo, I hope you are feeling somewhat better since you wrote this. I miss chatting with you!!!

 



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