We live in a crazy world, and, as such, there are plenty of crazy people living in it. This rings true even in military wife and girlfriend circles. Whether you've met them or are just Facebook friends or "following" one another on Twitter, the Crazy Woman lurks around the corner of almost every social group, but especially in military wife and girlfriend groups (at least from my experience; but then again, maybe I just naturally attract friendships with the mentally unstable members of this group of society, haha).

The Crazy Woman in military circles can be distinguished in three broad categories…

 1. Crazy Woman in Love: Off the Deep End

Her Facebook status usually portrays her man as the perfect human being who can do no wrong and who is always kind, romantic, caring, etc. A second look at their relationship, however, and her man seems overbearing, protective, cocky and cruel. From a link to her page on The Knot, it's obvious that her wedding to this Perfect Soldier is her first priority, above breathing, eating or a social life. This last point rings true when she asks not-so-passively that you, her online friend, buy her something she wants in her wedding registry. 

If you meet her in person, you get to know her significant other more than her, causing you to question her sanity about 10 minutes (or 10 seconds, upon reflection) into the meeting, and for the following time period you are around her you hear exclusively about him, even to the point where she tells random strangers you encounter together in public about him, his career, how much she misses him, etc.

 2) Crazy Woman in Love: Testing the Waters

She is always trying to find ways to get attention from others in the military community or outside of it, with statuses or Twitter updates constantly about the military, her blog, her boyfriend, or the latest dozen roses her boyfriend/fiancee/husband sent her and how GORGEOUS they are (though curiously, a photo is always missing of the dozen roses from her profile).

If in school or a career, she will abandon her search for a degree or independence after some time because her man has promised her the world and more, and so marrying him, even if she is at a young age, becomes priority over, you know, deciding what to do with her life. But don't let her age fool you; she is MUCH more mature because her birthday just passed, and so now instead of being a naïve child, she is a mature and wise woman. This woman then evolves into a character much like our 1st. case, delving off the deep end and straight into the status of Crazy Woman.

 3) Crazy Woman in Love: The "WTF" Edition (aka the Serial Dog Tag Chaser)

She dates a soldier for quite some time, and they have a dramatic falling out online while he is deployed, to which she returns to her "single" status and bashes him repeatedly. She does so through questioning his manhood, saying he is scum of the earth and she is better off without him, while getting sympathy or support from others who agree that he was "no good from the start."

After some time, she can be seen dating or being engaged again to another man in the armed forces, one of whom she has yet to meet in person and who she met online after he already dated a mutual online friend of hers, using her and then breaking up with her when she became too overbearing. Basically, she doesn't realize it, but she will be discarded like this other girl was, but the only people who see this don't know what to tell her, because they know she will bounce back and find another soldier again within the month to start the process anew.

I would be lying if I said I made up these instances, but these are all true occurrences I have come across during my own journey in a relationship. The worst characteristic of all of the Crazy Woman, though, is her fluidity and self-centeredness in relationships outside of the one with her soldier. 

What do I mean by this? If you are not a Crazy Woman - reminiscing for hours about how amazing your man is, always preparing something to send off to him or living and breathing the notion that your "hero" will be home in X amount of days - you are looked down upon. If you don't receive a dozen roses every two weeks, your man isn't loving or isn't trying hard enough, so you aren't worth the Crazy Woman's time. If you come to a bump in the road of your relationship and could use someone to talk to or vent about it, you're looked at as weak for questioning your man and judged as unworthy to date the Perfect Soldier of which they, of course, have found and worship his every move.

Here are some tips to avoid being or becoming the Crazy Woman among your online and real life friends…

 1) Get a life.

No, really, get a life. Do something with yourself. Get that degree you desire and seek out other friends. Pick up a new hobby or start a class you've been wanting to take. Don't be afraid to be independent and talk about other things in your life. It's okay to have other interests outside of your boyfriend's/fiancée's/ husband's career!  Really, it's a good thing to be your own woman! And if you are planning a wedding, that's awesome! But remember, reminding everyone every day online that your wedding is now 321 days away instead of 322 and that they ought to check your website for your gift registry can get on their nerves, as they have lives of their own to worry about and can't always cater to yours.

 2) Trust your instinct.

If something feels off about your man or your relationship, it probably is. See what other people think about your situation and base your judgments on that and your own thoughts and feelings about what is going on. Communicate effectively with him and tell him your concerns, but do so in such a way that no loss of trust or confusion arises. If there's distance involved in a dispute, this is usually easier to do via Skype, as the combination of video and audio is more like being in person than an email or IM would be. 

Also, never, ever let a man come between you and your dreams and ambitions. "Can't" should never be a word you hear from him in regards to your passions ("You can't study that/do this/go there"), and if it is, THAT IS A RED FLAG. A relationship should be nurturing and caring, and relying on another person to decide what is best for you creates a relationship you don't want if you're going to be a couple. What would that relationship be, you ask? The role of lord (him) and servant (you).

 3) If you date someone & it ends, give yourself time before starting another relationship up. 

This is a mistake I've seen more than once. Women think they should just hop from relationship to relationship without that oh-so-valuable time to recharge and be happy on one's own. While the time between relationships cannot really be determined on a sweeping scale, usually it is a good idea to wait until you are ready to find someone else. For me, that generally means taking the time I had in the relationship and dividing at least by half before I'm ready to date someone else in a committed sense (i.e. if your last relationship was six months, hold off on another serious relationship for three months). This doesn't mean you shouldn't ever go out on dates, but don't jump right into someone else's arms the second your relationship ends.

If all women - dating a soldier or otherwise - were required to swear on the Bible (or any other religious text of choice, for that matter) to adhere to these guidelines, perhaps this world would be a little less crazy for it. But until then, ladies, be smart! Don't become the Crazy Woman all your online and real life friends talk about as "the one that's obsessed with this guy in the military" or "the ridiculous girl that can't see that he's too controlling." Love your man, but value yourself and your reputation, your brain and your life, too.
 


Comments

Samantha

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 5:38:34 pm

This is SO true! I do believe some of the worst (as well as funniest) are the Myspace girls who put up "Half My Heart Is In Iraq" as their actual Myspace handle, then a month later it is "Just A Smalltown Girl" w/a mood of "heartbroken," then the next month, "Soldier's Girl" is the handle and the song on their page is actually "Kiss Me Through The Phone"!UGH!! Unbelieveable.

 

Lanie

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 7:05:34 am

perfectly said! i know exactly who your talking about in case 1 & 3. they both need help. i tried to helped case 3 but she got all defensive with me. oh well, sooner or later shes see it.

 



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