So, every few months when I'm on Facebook, I either get a comment on my wall or a Facebook message asking if I'm engaged. For some people, this isn't a problem if they actually are engaged to be married to someone and post it in social media. As for me? I'm "engaged" in the sense that my relationship status on Facebook says "Megan is engaged to Steve," but in the real world sense of the term, we're not. It's kind of complicated... 
 
 
Ahh, Valentine's Day. A time when Hallmark's stock skyrockets and couples everywhere spend time with each other - be it a dinner, movies, etc. - and spend money on each other to show affection - purchasing flowers, wallets, etc. for their loved one. 

I've never really hated or loved Valentine's Day. It's never been a holiday I've expected people to shower me with gifts and telling me what I mean to them. In elementary school we are socialized into the holiday by decorating shoe boxes and writing our name on store-bought Valentine's, sometimes writing an extra message if we have a "crush" on someone. Later on, like in high school and college, the pressure is on for men to make their girl's day as special as possible. 

Most Valentine's Days of my life, I've been single. The years I haven't been have had their fair share of ups and downs - from the high school boyfriend who my friends had to force to buy me a single rose at lunch to receiving flowers for the first time last year from Steve at my house. The day has never been one that's stood out in my mind; if you can't tell someone you care about them without a holiday forcing you to do so, then something is up. 
 
 
Well, it's finally February, and I'm fully adjusted to my weekly schedule. One thing I will never adjust to, though, are the mysteries of my roommates. I won't go into detail here, but it's been anything but an easy living situation this year. In all honesty, I can't wait for May 6th., the approximate date I can move home again. 

Other than that little slice of crazy, stuff with Steve and I has gotten better, with the exception of Friday and part of Saturday. I don't know what was going on in my head, but I kept picking fights with him over little things. Have any of you done that before with your significant other? Those little fights escalated into bigger ones, and so by Friday night we had to say some tough stuff to each other. Saturdays discussion was a lot about the R word (reenlistment), which we both have talked about for a while. 
 
Whirlwind! 01/24/2010
 
For those of you that are friends with me on Twitter, you've read a little bit about the headache that has been my life as of late. Between going through an educational crisis last week, to some craziness in my relationship over the weekend, I'm really hoping this week is calm in comparison (though that's doubtful, as I start a new job tomorrow). 

In a nutshell, a lot of the dramarama happened because of talking about future plans with the boyfriend. We were really dead-set on tying the knot earlier this month, but one big roadblock has been that I'm in school for a while and was considering law school. However, I started to ask myself, "Do I really want to do this?" Looking up statistics and finding a few blogs from former law students, I found that the option is a risky gamble; you invest six figures in loans, only to **maybe** have a job when you graduate, unless you have stellar grades or have connections.

So I started looking at every program under the sun outside of law that 1) I would enjoy 2) would be semi-lucrative and 3) would provide me a way to do school while Steve and I get married, settle at his base, etc. 

Some of the options I came up with were an MBA after working two years; a graduate studies program at the university near his base; online programs; etc. I pretty much scoured the Internet for any possible way to do law school online (clearly, there's no way), or to find Army bases near law schools so there could be some chance (a slim one, but still a chance) that we could be married while I'm law school.

Well, needless to say I've regained a little faith in my abilities to do law, so I'm happy THAT panic is over! Well, for now.

 
 
So, here we are, once again. I couldn't sleep and began thinking about what the future holds in the following months and year. It's quite possible I will be engaged for real (not just on Facebook...long story) in the next 6 months to a year, and married at the end of next year or perhaps sometime the following year (which will be here sooner than you think!) and I'm not even really sure what to do with my life. 

I know I have no rhyme or reason to plan it all this second, but it's who I am. I'm a planner, and what I do now reflects on my future. Not having a set A to B to C, etc. plan drives me crazy. So it's stressful thinking about marriage so soon after undergrad and also considering the possibility of law school while married to a soldier. Throw into the mix of Steve's reconsideration about reenlisting, and it's the perfect recipe for insomnia. 

With Steve stationed at Bliss, I scoped out law schools close by, for if we were to marry I would still like to pursue that degree. Turns out the closest law school is in Lubbock, an 8 hour drive away, and I assure you the program is most likely not Tier I. There are graduate programs around, but they wouldn't be law. 

I know I'm worrying for nothing, and I should focus on what's in front of me: a new job I start in less than 72 hours, along with a new school year, not to mention the fact that I can actually talk and text to my boyfriend instead of waiting for Skype to kick in while he's on another continent. 

I have a lot to be thankful for and much to do before graduation day (it's about 11 months and 2 days away!), but goodness, I should have a plan in place by now, right? Sigh. We shall see what happens soon!
 
 
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It was such a blessing ending 2009 with Steve's leave! I couldn't ask for anything better! We had so much fun together and I know being apart again is hard on him, but it's not forever. 

It has been a very emotionally charged month, what with ending the semester right after he came home and making some very big life decisions for the new year. I got a job with a law firm as a Legal Assistant, and consequently am limiting school activities for the spring semester, which is just as well. Also, in the spring I will be doing an internship with The Mission Continues, a nationwide, non-profit group which focuses on empowering wounded veterans and to help them continue to serve their country after their military service.

Other changes are also afoot in my life. After a lot of reflecting, Steve is fairly certain he won't be reenlisting after his contract is up. Like with everything in the Army, though, that can change, but whatever decision he makes I support him. I felt like it was partly my fault for him not wanting to because I was very upset one day of his leave for a multitude of reasons (the struggles of the past year apart, his leave ending, etc.), but he reassured me it's not because of that and that he has a plan that once he is done with the Army to start school and go to police academy. 

Also, speaking of Army, rumor at his base is his unit deploys in August or November '10. I wasn't surprised they went from not deploying for a while to doing so shortly, but it still saddens me, as I'm graduating December '10. But such is life, right?

Anyway, I can't believe the first decade of the 2000's is nearly over! It's been quite a wild ride and so many changes took place, but I'm optimistic for the future. I can't imagine what life will be like in this next decade, but I'm hopeful it will be wonderful!

 
Mañana 11/29/2009
 
Tomorrow. Tomorrow! TOMORROW!

Clearly, I'm very excited that tomorrow will be the day I pick up my boyfriend from the airport. This year has brought about many trials and tribulations, and I've learned more than I thought I would about myself, about human nature, and about being a better person. At the core of this is selflessness, which is difficult to achieve. However, being in a military relationship, you automatically have to learn selflessness. 

I had an earlier instance in which I felt like being selfish, but I learned quickly that I had to 1) forgive the people who had wronged me and 2) remind myself that Steve's homecoming is not about me.

And then...today's drama unfolded. 

 
Thankful 11/25/2009
 
This year has brought me so many things with which I am thankful. It's unbelievable that a year ago this week I began this mil girlfriend relationship journey, and in less than a week my soldier is home for R&R! It might not be for as long as I want or totally line up with my schedule, but I'm so thankful to see him again soon. 

Thanksgiving is the one time of year a lot of people throw the word "thankful" around. We remember to be thankful for our friends and family, our jobs and meeting goals, for our health and a hopeful future. 

This year, though, I have learned to be thankful all of the time. Thankful that I've been able to learn and grow through the challenges and struggles school and a long distance relationship have taught me. Thankful for strengthened relationships and identifying harmful ones. Thankful my family situation has improved as it has and I can finally feel like our family is a family. Thankful that I was able to travel for a month to Ecuador this summer and meet new friends and experience life in a new place, if only temporarily. 

So this Thanksgiving, while you eat your turkey (or tofurkey, for my vegetarian friends!), reflect on the last year of your life and find meaningful things, people and struggles for which your thanks should be received. 
 
Helpless 11/13/2009
 
Normally, I try not to vent in here, but sometimes it's necessary. 

So, given that it's Friday the 13th., I really thought something bad would happen. But it didn't...until about 5 p.m. I got a call from some of Steve's friends about something (I won't specify here - it'd be just my luck he reads this and finds out!) and it really upset me. Let's just say I was left in the dark about planning and it really hurt. My 1 year anniversary with him is about a week from now - less than 10 days, in fact - and his own friends - who I thought were my friends too - failed to mention something pretty significant to the one person who has mailed him packages, letters, photos, numerous gifts and necessities...

Right now, the main emotion I'm feeling is helplessness. I know it was an honest miscommunication error, but gosh, it really stung to hear that I wasn't viewed as important enough to them to be one of the first people to know what's going on instead of finding out days later (nearly a week since it was announced, in fact). Sigh. 

On a little lighter note, it's the weekend! And only two weeks until Steve is home! I have a boatload of school work, organization stuff, etc. to do, but all the same I know once it's done we can spend a lot more time together.

And wowwie wow, look at the change in page views the last few days. All over the map!
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That's kind of all I had to say. I'm really looking forward to the end of this semester, this tour of duty, this year, and the start of a new one. It's so close!
 
In Remembrance 11/11/2009
 
Today was Veterans Day here in the U.S. In the past I didn't give much thought to the day, as I didn't really know anyone who was a veteran. This year, however, it's become especially important to me because I have a direct connection to the mil community and many more current members of the U.S. military and veterans of wars. 

The last week or so has been crazy. With everything that happened at Ft. Hood and then the 234th. birthday of the USMC, plus Veterans Day, this has been the most I've seen of discussion in the civilian world about the military - in the media, among friends, etc. -  in probably my entire life. In a way, it saddens me, because we should think of our men and women in uniform all year round, not just once a year, but I suppose that happens with many things. 

Another thing about Veterans Day...my boyfriend is an active duty soldier, and on Veterans Day he received emails and such from people telling him they are proud. But as far as being  "veteran," he's not. He hasn't faced combat (yet), and while yes, his service is important and I am very proud of him, the attitude of lumping thanking all military personnel just doesn't sit well with me. 

Perhaps I'm being picky, but that's just how I see it. I don't take their service for granted and never have, but I would like to see people distinguish veterans and active armed forces members when they decide to thank them for their service on Veterans Day. 

The distinction is important and hopefully in the future more attention is paid to this than it has been presently. I can offer no solutions for these actions other than to pledge people to think before they thank. It is not wrong to thank veterans and active service members on Veterans Day, but one should understand the meaning behind why they serve and protect each day.