Dear Mrs. Martha J. Sisk,

I recently read your opinion article pertaining to the sacrifice of military families today in comparison to your experience beginning in the throws of the Vietnam War. You spoke of your journey with your husband through 20 years of service to our country. You also wrote how you were able to travel and live in different places. This, however, is not what struck at the hearts of many in your piece.

Instead, it is your flagrant disregard of your core readers - today's military families - that fueled the fires under those who strongly disagreed and wrote you a comment to object to your view. Mrs. Sisk, you referred to our country today as a "nation of complainers." You seem to be focused in your piece on how the families today, in your opinion, mind you, whine and complain a lot more. From your piece:

"My husband, Tom, asks if we, as a nation,have become so weak that we now must support military families with the results of mid-summer toy drives and stories about families' "sacrifices" on TV so that the soldiers serving in Afghanistan or Iraq (or any of the other nations) won't have to worry...I can assure the reader that when my husband's unit was under attack in Vietnam, the last thing on his mind was the quality of life his family in North Carolina was living."

I think what is core at your piece, Mrs. Sisk, is what one commenter described as a "generational chasm." The audience you are writing to today of military families is very different than the experience you had. While I am not yet married to a soldier, I still am part of the military family you so easily dismiss, even though we still consider you part of that family. I speak for myself, as well as other significant others and spouses, in saying that our families do sacrifice more than you described in your piece.

I have friends whose husbands rarely see their children because they are deployed. I have met spouses who must delay their education and career goals for their family because their husband or wife was called to Active Duty from the Reserves. Personally, I have spent over 90% of my relationship with my fiance apart, either in completely different countries or a time zone's difference, and that doesn't even include a deployment, which may happen in the next few years, which would once again separate us.

You preface your piece with saying you might be "bitter, jealous or hardened," but I don't believe that is what is going on. While we all are grateful for your husband's service, you are speaking to us from a different time. In fact, in your piece, you did not bring up the "self-reliance" of your peers in the military community during the span of your husband's career, but instead of his parents' experiences during World War II, which, correct me if I'm wrong, was a generation before you.

What of your own self-reliance did you describe? Your husband was gone a year to Vietnam. I am in no way saying his sacrifice fell short or you didn't struggle while apart; if I remember history correctly, there was still intense fighting up until the end of the Vietnam conflict. But in all your continuing to describe where you lived - in different states and different countries, learning new languages and shopping in local markets - you asked the question, "Where was the sacrifice?"

Are you asking us that, or yourself? Yes, a year apart from your husband would surely be difficult, but don't tell us you didn't spend some of that paycheck he earned to help your family. Surely you had benefited from his service - by his paycheck - in the same way dependents today might have access to those funds to help their families survive through deployments. But that's neither here nor there.

What is important you understand, and others who agree with your opinion, is that significant others and spouses today, Mrs. Sisk, are NOT whiners. Have you talked to them? I mean, really talked to them? Have you met these strong, courageous men and women that stay behind and hold down the fort while their loved ones are gone? Who raise children as single parents while their spouses fight elsewhere? Who plan a wedding, despite an 8 hour time difference, with their future husband that is at war? Who have to juggle parenting, a career, house cleaning, paying bills, and unexpected situations virtually alone?

While you may not agree with me, Mrs. Sisk - and I expect you wouldn't based on your article, but it's still your opinion - despite health care coverage, housing and other benefits, spouses and significant others (who don't even qualify for those aforementioned benefits!) sacrifice daily. Your experience sounded like it was very rosy, but I can nearly guarantee there were moments of loneliness, fear and a whole other range of emotions you had that significant others and spouses have today.

I still look up to you as a military spouse, but clearly we have very different views about what sacrifice means.

Sincerely,