Mañana 11/29/2009
 
Tomorrow. Tomorrow! TOMORROW!

Clearly, I'm very excited that tomorrow will be the day I pick up my boyfriend from the airport. This year has brought about many trials and tribulations, and I've learned more than I thought I would about myself, about human nature, and about being a better person. At the core of this is selflessness, which is difficult to achieve. However, being in a military relationship, you automatically have to learn selflessness. 

I had an earlier instance in which I felt like being selfish, but I learned quickly that I had to 1) forgive the people who had wronged me and 2) remind myself that Steve's homecoming is not about me.

And then...today's drama unfolded. 

 
Thankful 11/25/2009
 
This year has brought me so many things with which I am thankful. It's unbelievable that a year ago this week I began this mil girlfriend relationship journey, and in less than a week my soldier is home for R&R! It might not be for as long as I want or totally line up with my schedule, but I'm so thankful to see him again soon. 

Thanksgiving is the one time of year a lot of people throw the word "thankful" around. We remember to be thankful for our friends and family, our jobs and meeting goals, for our health and a hopeful future. 

This year, though, I have learned to be thankful all of the time. Thankful that I've been able to learn and grow through the challenges and struggles school and a long distance relationship have taught me. Thankful for strengthened relationships and identifying harmful ones. Thankful my family situation has improved as it has and I can finally feel like our family is a family. Thankful that I was able to travel for a month to Ecuador this summer and meet new friends and experience life in a new place, if only temporarily. 

So this Thanksgiving, while you eat your turkey (or tofurkey, for my vegetarian friends!), reflect on the last year of your life and find meaningful things, people and struggles for which your thanks should be received. 
 
 
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To the best boyfriend in the world, 

Whether or not you read this, I need to say it. 

This year has been a test and a challenge. I have laughed, cried, argued, reflected, prayed, hoped, wished, gotten frustrated and jumped for joy more times than I can count. I slept less, spent time online more and spent more money than I planned. I met new friends and identified who my real ones were. I grew in faith and in love. I learned what it meant to give of myself even when I selfishly wanted to do the opposite.

A year ago this week, we started on this journey. I was so nervous for our first date. I think meeting your mom and your friends at the dinner before our movie made it even more nerve-wracking, but I wouldn't have changed that day for anything in the world. We were bonkers for one another, and still are, even after a year of being apart and facing individual challenges. 

I really am so SO happy you're almost home and can't wait to see what the next year brings for us!

Love, Megan
 
Soon! 11/20/2009
 
Soon he'll be home! Very, very soon! Yay!!!!

Obviously, I'm very excited about the impending R&R starting, and not very excited for finals. But at least when they are over we can have total time with each other.

Some other updates: I'm officially graduating a semester early! It's exciting and scary, too. Thinking about what to do after college is daunting, but I still really feel like my calling is being a lawyer, or at least pursuing a law degree and seeing where that takes me. 

I hope in a year I feel more confident in this decision, because it's going to be a LOT of work. Not only is applying for law school going to be an uphill battle, but the 3 years (hopefully less; I'm hoping to find a program with summer classes) I spend in it will be a struggle, too. So, lots of prayers, please, about this pathway!

Also, I'm going to have to remember later on not to think about or talk about possible deployments (real deployments, not this "year-long purgatory in a country with a DMZ" junk). I know it will be difficult if/when that time comes, but goodness, why now, of all nights, did I have to think about that? It's like I just can't let myself be happy with life for one iota of a second. Sigh.

Have a good weekend, everyone!
 
Helpless 11/13/2009
 
Normally, I try not to vent in here, but sometimes it's necessary. 

So, given that it's Friday the 13th., I really thought something bad would happen. But it didn't...until about 5 p.m. I got a call from some of Steve's friends about something (I won't specify here - it'd be just my luck he reads this and finds out!) and it really upset me. Let's just say I was left in the dark about planning and it really hurt. My 1 year anniversary with him is about a week from now - less than 10 days, in fact - and his own friends - who I thought were my friends too - failed to mention something pretty significant to the one person who has mailed him packages, letters, photos, numerous gifts and necessities...

Right now, the main emotion I'm feeling is helplessness. I know it was an honest miscommunication error, but gosh, it really stung to hear that I wasn't viewed as important enough to them to be one of the first people to know what's going on instead of finding out days later (nearly a week since it was announced, in fact). Sigh. 

On a little lighter note, it's the weekend! And only two weeks until Steve is home! I have a boatload of school work, organization stuff, etc. to do, but all the same I know once it's done we can spend a lot more time together.

And wowwie wow, look at the change in page views the last few days. All over the map!
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That's kind of all I had to say. I'm really looking forward to the end of this semester, this tour of duty, this year, and the start of a new one. It's so close!
 
In Remembrance 11/11/2009
 
Today was Veterans Day here in the U.S. In the past I didn't give much thought to the day, as I didn't really know anyone who was a veteran. This year, however, it's become especially important to me because I have a direct connection to the mil community and many more current members of the U.S. military and veterans of wars. 

The last week or so has been crazy. With everything that happened at Ft. Hood and then the 234th. birthday of the USMC, plus Veterans Day, this has been the most I've seen of discussion in the civilian world about the military - in the media, among friends, etc. -  in probably my entire life. In a way, it saddens me, because we should think of our men and women in uniform all year round, not just once a year, but I suppose that happens with many things. 

Another thing about Veterans Day...my boyfriend is an active duty soldier, and on Veterans Day he received emails and such from people telling him they are proud. But as far as being  "veteran," he's not. He hasn't faced combat (yet), and while yes, his service is important and I am very proud of him, the attitude of lumping thanking all military personnel just doesn't sit well with me. 

Perhaps I'm being picky, but that's just how I see it. I don't take their service for granted and never have, but I would like to see people distinguish veterans and active armed forces members when they decide to thank them for their service on Veterans Day. 

The distinction is important and hopefully in the future more attention is paid to this than it has been presently. I can offer no solutions for these actions other than to pledge people to think before they thank. It is not wrong to thank veterans and active service members on Veterans Day, but one should understand the meaning behind why they serve and protect each day. 
 
Keepin' it New 11/08/2009
 
This last week was definitely a week I was deep in thought. Some events turned my thoughts in one way, and talks with friends turned them in another direction just as suddenly. 

At the end of last week, a friend of mine and I were discussing relationships. Usually I'm cautious on this topic, as I'm no expert and my situation is different than that of my civilian friends, and it was surprising to discover that even if you're in the same town, the same school, or even living in the same building as someone else, it can feel as though you are miles apart.

Men (and women) sometimes become complacent in relationships. They can believe that once they've "won" the guy or girl they are pursuing, they don't have to be romantic anymore. Relationships can then become stagnant, and break ups or disappointments can occur. I've seen this happen and have experienced it myself, but I've learned some important lessons from this military relationship... 

1) Treat each day like it's your first date together.
This doesn't always hold if your first date was awkward, but seek out new information about your significant other like you would on a first date. Ask him or her how they are and listen, really listen, to the response. Be romantic and loving, and never take your time together for granted. Learn something new about your love and build on what you already know through affectionate gestures or compliments. 

2) Find a way to show you care each day.
Even a simple, one minute phone call or one line email can brighten your significant other's day and keep the relationship heart beating. Find a way to let them know you're thinking of them. Even if you have a busy day, that little bit of time you spend on that person can mean the world.

Keeping a relationship feeling like new, just like taking care of anything you treasure, takes time and effort. But, in the end, the effort is well worth it!
 
 
What a week it has been. Between the shootings at Fort Hood and Orlando, it has been a struggle to keep focus on the fact that there is violence every day that goes unreported or unnoticed. My thoughts and prayers are with the families at Fort Hood and Orlando who are suffering after these senseless acts took place.

In the mil community, there was a lot of talk about the "hows" and "whys" of what happened at Fort Hood. Speculation and rumor ruled the day Thursday as no one knew how many or who was injured or dead, or why the shooting took place. Currently, the shooter is in a coma, so many questions are still unanswered. I spoke with friends who are part of this community and one overarching theme arose: We all feel very deeply about what went on, and we must realize that we should be thankful for what we have. 

I actually got really angry at one point reading in some Facebook groups and chats that said some people were "so glad their soldier wasn't at that base" or "thank goodness his orders were changed and he wasn't there that day." They talked about how God had spared them the pain and how fortunate they were, and while I'm among those that did not have a loved one on the base, I still became irritated with this language. People died or were injured senselessly, and all you can do is be selfish and thank your lucky stars you and yours were spared?! 

While I understand this feeling can be unavoidable - being grateful you know your loved one is okay - the least these people could do is express their prayers for that family and leave the selfishness unsaid. But like a friend of mine has reminded me this week, it takes all kinds to make this world go 'round.

Continuous prayers go out to the families at Fort Hood and in Orlando through this difficult time. May your service members' and your own sacrifices never been taken for granted in defending our freedoms.
 
Crossroads 11/03/2009
 
I'm at a crossroads and unsure of which path to take.

Everything with Steve has been going great. We're really anticipating his leave and talking more, finding more ways to do things together apart (such as work outs and reading book series together).  I can't believe we've nearly been together a whole year! 

This tour of duty is nearly over but sometimes it feels like it began yesterday. The feelings never really go away; I still can get agitated or hurt when someone pushes my buttons the wrong way (such as trying to get sympathy for not seeing a significant other for only one day) and I still am really defensive about my relationship (you'd think I'd be used to hearing the comment, "It must be so hard to be with someone who isn't there. I never could" by now, but it's honestly never something I'm able to get used to hearing). I can still cry at the drop of a hat if I hear a particular song, see a sappy love scene, etc. But the foundation we've built is really solid, and I'm so excited to go on real dates again and stuff. It's so soon!

Academically, however, I'm unsure. It's come to my attention recently that a year from this December, I could be done with undergrad. What I will do with that time off between undergrad and law school isn't set in stone just yet. Do I travel? Work? Do a little of both? Start law school early?

It's really exciting to be done sooner than I thought. But what to do with that time? I know only I can decide what to do and what is right for me, but right now, I just want to enjoy life. I really do think I'll take some of that time and travel, and I'll work, but for now I'd really like to have "me" time more and do things I enjoy. 

School and organizations are fun, and I like to be involved, but I stress so much because I don't have that time to myself to think, reflect, unwind, de-stress, etc. Oh sure, next semester the smaller workload will be good, but I'm replacing a 3 credit class I could be taking with LSAT studying. So I'll have "me" time but also be working on what could be studying for the most important test of my life so far.
I know it will all fall into place. It's exciting and scary to grow up, but I'm liking the journey so far!