Disintegration 10/29/2009
 
I try to be positive. I really do. But some days, it's nearly impossible. 

Today is one of those days. 

It's a day where the weather is already bringing you down (forecast for St. Louis all month = perpetual rainfall), and then you add all these other factors that culminate in a desperate, pathetic breakdown that only a few people can understand and even fewer have dealt with firsthand. It's hard to believe I let things get so bad, but honestly, who can deal with all of this? 

It's times like these I have a few people I can really, truly depend on. If this tour of duty has done me only one thing, it's who my real friends are versus my acquaintances. Sometimes that line seems blurry, like at the start of this journey with Steve where people would ask, "How are you?" and seemed truly concerned. But as time has gone on, those who truly care stand out and everyone else falls by the wayside. It's unfortunate that this happens, but at least I know who the true friends are now. 

No one here really understands what I'm going through, and it's super frustrating. I wish more of my friends knew what this was like - dealing with the distance and college and a thousand other troubles - because it can be so difficult some days (like today). But what can you do?
 
 
I hear all the time about the disadvantages of having to deal with a long-distance military relationship, but has anyone talked about the benefits? You won't believe it, but there are some advantages!


For instance...
  • Avoiding weight gain b/c, as a couple, you can work out and eat better when you're together (it's a career matter, after all). Also, when apart, you want to keep down weight for when homecoming approaches!
  • You have less pressure to dress up daily (except when taking pics or making videos to send to your soldier); it's acceptable to wear comfy clothes 24/7!
  • Spontaneous conversations online or spontaneous phone calls keeps things from getting dull in the relationship. What's better than hearing your man's voice at 2 a.m.? Answer: Almost nothing because it can make your day!
  • You an come up with silly online games to play (for example: online scavenger hunt to solve a puzzle) or lots of questions to ask each other.
  • Trip planning is that much more fun b/c w/ being apart you know that little bit of time together matters so much! For example, our trip to Orlando has been fun to plan, and we've only just started saving up
  • Discover new interests together-apart (TV shows, books, etc.). Steve has been reading a lot more lately, for example, and some of the series he likes I'm going to read so we can talk about the books together!
Can you think of any other advantage to a long-distance military relationship? Share them in the comments section!
 
Music to my Ears 10/20/2009
 
Music has always been a big part of my life. As a kid growing up in Wyoming, I only really listened to country and Top 40 because that's all our radio stations had.

When we moved to Missouri, my musical tastes expanded. It was the late 90's and boy bands were a big deal. I loved listening to the radio, and one day changing stations led me to find Classic99, St. Louis's classical music station. I fell in love with classical music, listening to it on the radio and picking up the violin in 5th. grade when I quit figure skating lessons.

I've always loved music because you can find a song for every situation of your life. Happy, sad, angry, doesn't matter: someone has written a song for how you feel. Music allowed me to express feelings without words, as I developed technique on the violin and practiced more solos as my talent matured. 

Eventually, I ventured outside of the classical genre and played in my church's worship band. I began playing in the band spring of my junior year of high school (2006 - feels like a lifetime ago now!), and developed a crush on the bass player in the band. Can you guess who that was? It was Steve! We didn't really talk much and each of us had a significant other, but I had a sneaking suspicion he liked me too. 

When he enlisted last July and was leaving for basic training, he admitted to liking me. I didn't know what to do with this new-found information, but we eventually talked about music, as it was the main reason we met, and he recommended some of his favorite bands. I began a playlist in my iTunes library titled "Suggested by Steve" and would listen to it a lot when he was away. 

Some of his favorites became my favorites, and throughout the journey of our relationship, various songs have become "our songs." Like with the "Suggested by Steve" playlist, my library has an "Our Songs" playlist. 

It might be corny, but sometimes just listening to the songs helps me to feel everything I've felt since this journey began, and I can only anticipate that I know I'm not alone in all of this...that there's a reason I wait, a reason I wake up each morning knowing it's one day closer to the time he's home.
 
 
I recently saw on this Facebook group I'm part of (though I don't participate much in it...long story) that Nicholas Sparks' book, "Dear John," is being adapted to film. Actor Channing Tatum plays the role of title character John Tyree, a young man in the Army who meets Savannah Lynn Curtis, played by Amanda Seyfried in the movie, while he's on R&R. 

After seeing all these mil gfs/fiancees get worked up about the movie (mostly ooh-ing and ahh-ing about Channing Tatum), I found the trailer online. Click here to check it out if you're interested. 

I read the book and must say I'm a skeptic about the movie. For one thing, I didn't think the book was written that well. The book ending was NOT what I expected. The book actually made me angry about how Sparks portrayed Savannah. She was not a very strong character, and while Sparks seems keen on description, Savannah comes off as a kind but naive girl. It's hard to say in reading it if I could really find myself liking her. Perhaps that was his intent, but as far as a love story goes, it didn't sell well with me.

Also, the trailer wasn't that spectacular. It makes some attempt at capturing most key scenes from the book, but isn't particularly exciting to watch. Like the book, it's a lot of talking at a slow pace, capturing a few romantic scenes. If I hadn't already read the book, I still don't think the trailer would have been a big sell for me.

I realize "Dear John" is a work of fiction; the author only has so much space to portray a story, and usually in a first person narrative one can only choose to explain one perspective. I was disappointed in how it was written, though. I don't think it was one of his stronger stories (like A Walk to Remember or The Notebook), but perhaps the movie version will improve upon the foundation the book provides.

"Dear John" comes to theaters Feb. 5, 2010.
 
Homecoming 10/16/2009
 
Less than a month and a half and he is home for R&R.

I have no idea how to react anymore. There's no way to contain the excitement, the nervousness…the fear.
 
Good & Bad 10/08/2009
 
There are pluses and minuses with everything in life. Many good actions or events come with both good and not-so-good outcomes. Example: setting the bar high for yourself during an exam is good, but on the other hand you have to do well from now on to maintain that grade. Another example: Earlier and longer R&R is awesome, but not so if you also have finals smack dab in the middle of it.
 
Nomad 10/03/2009
 
Hey all! I thought I would give a quick update right now because I have a pretty big headache and reading research for my research methods class isn't really helping. Everything has been going pretty well in life; I really have no complaints outside of the fact that we're moving again, and so today I had to sort out the remainder of my stuff in my room and either box it up, take it to school or donate it. 

Even though my involvement in the military never quite began until November of last year, when Steve and I began dating, I've probably moved more than some military families even as a civilian. Sometimes I feel my existence has been a nomadic one. 
 
Impatient 10/01/2009
 
I am NOT a patient person. At all. I hate waiting for things to happen and being in limbo about so many things in my life. College is definitely a place where everything is in progress, and certainly a military relationship can feel that way when you're in Girlfriend Mode and anticipate your future as an individual and in a relationship (or maybe even in Wife Mode, when you are waiting for your spouse's return or to find out the next duty station). Yet I have no control over so many things which require patience, and so I've been learning, over the course of the last 304 days.