Obsessed 09/23/2009
 
The older I get, the more I realize I'm a lot like my mother. 

It's funny how that realization doesn't really hit a person until after they are on their own. But the more time I spend at college, living basically independent of family, the more I see how my mom's behavior has influenced my own. For one, when I was younger, I thought she was crazy to have us do all the cleaning chores as often as we did.

 It's not like there were that many of us in our family, yet every other week there would be bathrooms to clean, floors to vacuum and dusting to be done. Every day, dishes had to be done, and this became even worse around holidays when we cooked enough food for an army, but there were only about five of us living in our house. We never really had company over, so I never understood the fuss of cleaning so much. 

Fast forward to now, and you could say that I'm pretty much obsessed with cleaning, or at least with some things. Looking at my desk, you wouldn't realize that I like to be organized because it's messy, but I believe some things require "organized disorganization," like desks. I know where everything is, and don't really care if no one else understands my system. 

One place I absolutely cannot stand being dirty, however, is the kitchen. My rule of thumb is if you cook something, you clean up after yourself. It's common sense and common courtesy, you know? No one wants to look at a plate and wonder if it was just used to cook. So lately, when there is a large mess in the kitchen, my OCD Mode kicks in and I HAVE to either clean, or stare in disdain at the dishes of others who don't share my sentiments about a kitchen looking neat and not like a food bomb just went off. 

Maybe in some ways, cleaning is a remedy of mine. Physically going through the motions of cleaning helps me clear out my mind of the stress and worries that build up like so much grime. Perhaps that's why my mom likes having a clean house so often. When I was younger, if we had someone come over, she would usually say that "the house was a mess" and she apologized up and down about it, when in fact it looked fine compared to some of my friends' homes. I never really saw the harm in not cleaning so often.

Now that I'm on my own, though, and understand the value of owning things of your own, I take better care of everything, which includes cleaning even if things look pretty decent. A dish isn't just a dish; it's something I've invested in and though I could easily buy another one if it's cracked or broken, why go through the trouble of spending so much money when taking care of things better ensures they last longer?

So yes, maybe I'm a little bit insane in having a cleaning obsession, but there's method behind the madness.
 
 
We live in a crazy world, and, as such, there are plenty of crazy people living in it. This rings true even in military wife and girlfriend circles. Whether you've met them or are just Facebook friends or "following" one another on Twitter, the Crazy Woman lurks around the corner of almost every social group, but especially in military wife and girlfriend groups (at least from my experience; but then again, maybe I just naturally attract friendships with the mentally unstable members of this group of society, haha).

The Crazy Woman in military circles can be distinguished in three broad categories…

 1. Crazy Woman in Love: Off the Deep End

Her Facebook status usually portrays her man as the perfect human being who can do no wrong and who is always kind, romantic, caring, etc. A second look at their relationship, however, and her man seems overbearing, protective, cocky and cruel. From a link to her page on The Knot, it's obvious that her wedding to this Perfect Soldier is her first priority, above breathing, eating or a social life. This last point rings true when she asks not-so-passively that you, her online friend, buy her something she wants in her wedding registry. 

If you meet her in person, you get to know her significant other more than her, causing you to question her sanity about 10 minutes (or 10 seconds, upon reflection) into the meeting, and for the following time period you are around her you hear exclusively about him, even to the point where she tells random strangers you encounter together in public about him, his career, how much she misses him, etc.

 2) Crazy Woman in Love: Testing the Waters

She is always trying to find ways to get attention from others in the military community or outside of it, with statuses or Twitter updates constantly about the military, her blog, her boyfriend, or the latest dozen roses her boyfriend/fiancee/husband sent her and how GORGEOUS they are (though curiously, a photo is always missing of the dozen roses from her profile).

If in school or a career, she will abandon her search for a degree or independence after some time because her man has promised her the world and more, and so marrying him, even if she is at a young age, becomes priority over, you know, deciding what to do with her life. But don't let her age fool you; she is MUCH more mature because her birthday just passed, and so now instead of being a naïve child, she is a mature and wise woman. This woman then evolves into a character much like our 1st. case, delving off the deep end and straight into the status of Crazy Woman.

 3) Crazy Woman in Love: The "WTF" Edition (aka the Serial Dog Tag Chaser)

She dates a soldier for quite some time, and they have a dramatic falling out online while he is deployed, to which she returns to her "single" status and bashes him repeatedly. She does so through questioning his manhood, saying he is scum of the earth and she is better off without him, while getting sympathy or support from others who agree that he was "no good from the start."

After some time, she can be seen dating or being engaged again to another man in the armed forces, one of whom she has yet to meet in person and who she met online after he already dated a mutual online friend of hers, using her and then breaking up with her when she became too overbearing. Basically, she doesn't realize it, but she will be discarded like this other girl was, but the only people who see this don't know what to tell her, because they know she will bounce back and find another soldier again within the month to start the process anew.

I would be lying if I said I made up these instances, but these are all true occurrences I have come across during my own journey in a relationship. The worst characteristic of all of the Crazy Woman, though, is her fluidity and self-centeredness in relationships outside of the one with her soldier. 

What do I mean by this? If you are not a Crazy Woman - reminiscing for hours about how amazing your man is, always preparing something to send off to him or living and breathing the notion that your "hero" will be home in X amount of days - you are looked down upon. If you don't receive a dozen roses every two weeks, your man isn't loving or isn't trying hard enough, so you aren't worth the Crazy Woman's time. If you come to a bump in the road of your relationship and could use someone to talk to or vent about it, you're looked at as weak for questioning your man and judged as unworthy to date the Perfect Soldier of which they, of course, have found and worship his every move.

Here are some tips to avoid being or becoming the Crazy Woman among your online and real life friends…

 1) Get a life.

No, really, get a life. Do something with yourself. Get that degree you desire and seek out other friends. Pick up a new hobby or start a class you've been wanting to take. Don't be afraid to be independent and talk about other things in your life. It's okay to have other interests outside of your boyfriend's/fiancée's/ husband's career!  Really, it's a good thing to be your own woman! And if you are planning a wedding, that's awesome! But remember, reminding everyone every day online that your wedding is now 321 days away instead of 322 and that they ought to check your website for your gift registry can get on their nerves, as they have lives of their own to worry about and can't always cater to yours.

 2) Trust your instinct.

If something feels off about your man or your relationship, it probably is. See what other people think about your situation and base your judgments on that and your own thoughts and feelings about what is going on. Communicate effectively with him and tell him your concerns, but do so in such a way that no loss of trust or confusion arises. If there's distance involved in a dispute, this is usually easier to do via Skype, as the combination of video and audio is more like being in person than an email or IM would be. 

Also, never, ever let a man come between you and your dreams and ambitions. "Can't" should never be a word you hear from him in regards to your passions ("You can't study that/do this/go there"), and if it is, THAT IS A RED FLAG. A relationship should be nurturing and caring, and relying on another person to decide what is best for you creates a relationship you don't want if you're going to be a couple. What would that relationship be, you ask? The role of lord (him) and servant (you).

3) If you date someone & it ends, give yourself time before starting another relationship up. 

This is a mistake I've seen more than once. Women think they should just hop from relationship to relationship without that oh-so-valuable time to recharge and be happy on one's own. While the time between relationships cannot really be determined on a sweeping scale, usually it is a good idea to wait until you are ready to find someone else. For me, that generally means taking the time I had in the relationship and dividing at least by half before I'm ready to date someone else in a committed sense (i.e. if your last relationship was six months, hold off on another serious relationship for three months). This doesn't mean you shouldn't ever go out on dates, but don't jump right into someone else's arms the second your relationship ends.

If all women - dating a soldier or otherwise - were required to swear on the Bible (or any other religious text of choice, for that matter) to adhere to these guidelines, perhaps this world would be a little less crazy for it. But until then, ladies, be smart! Don't become the Crazy Woman all your online and real life friends talk about as "the one that's obsessed with this guy in the military" or "the ridiculous girl that can't see that he's too controlling." Love your man, but value yourself and your reputation, your brain and your life, too.
 
Smelly. 09/15/2009
 
I went to class today feeling absolutely gross. 

No, I'm not sick, though swine flu is going around my campus. No, I didn't get up late, missing an alarm and feverishly throwing on clothes to get to class. I actually woke up right on time. At precisely 8:30 a.m., the alarm on my phone went off (every mil girlfriend and wife knows having a phone by them at all times is absolutely necessary!), and I dutifully shut it off and began to get out of bed. 

But something was amiss. I recalled that I had heard someone at about 8:26 a.m. get up, grab a towel and head out the door of the room. That someone was my international student roommate, and she had decided that though she had showered the night before, it was a good idea to shower again, at the precise time I was planning on showering. 

Now, normally this wouldn't be an issue, especially because on Tuesdays I have a class at 11 a.m. But today wasn't most days. A friend needed to borrow my car, so I needed to meet with him to hand off the keys, and at 10 a.m. I was meeting with a professor. So that integral shower beginning at 8:33 a.m. and ending at approximately 8:48 a.m. was doomed to fail the moment I knew the bathroom was occupied. 

I really do like my international roommate, and learning about one another's culture has been an interesting experience so far. I just wish I could have smelled a little nicer when I went to class today.
 
 
If someone were to tell you they could deal with a relationship with someone halfway across the world, you might think them crazy, right? "Impossible!" you might think. "I can barely handle a relationship in the same city, much less that far apart!"

I didn't realize how much time matters in a relationship, especially a long distance one, until about a month into Steve being in South Korea. We had to specify in emails, chats and phone calls if we were speaking in terms of "my" time in the U.S. or "his" time in Korea, which was something totally new for the both of us. 

It was difficult at first to realize how far apart 14 hours can be, but we found a communication system that worked for us. I would get out of class around 2 p.m. "my" time and he would get up at 2:30 p.m. "my" time, which was 5:30 a.m. the next day "his" time. We would try to talk again after he had PT if I didn't have a meeting for a school organization, and later at night, around 9 "my" time, would talk when he was on lunch at noon "his" time.

Then, a few months into our schedule, Daylight Savings Time began in the U.S., but not in South Korea, and changed everything. 

I had to completely rethink when  we would be able to talk! 2 p.m. became 3 p.m., lunch on "his" time was 10 p.m. "my" time, and so for a few weeks I would find myself counting on my fingers to determine whether or not I would be spot on for talk time or completely off. Talk about frustrating!

But just like everything in this military relationship, we somehow have found ways to "make it work." My weekends are usually less eventful than the average college student; I stay in more to talk to my boyfriend on G-Chat or Skype and party less than others, hearing people in other buildings being rowdy or playing beer pong or other drinking games. 

And of course, who couldn't forget the proverbial chorus of "Chug! Chug!" at these particular collegiate social events? While these parties can be fun and are supposed to be the type of "experiences" all college students have, I've attended these events less than the usual person since starting this relationship. And I'm okay with that. It might seem unusual, but I have more fun spending time with my boyfriend and being silly online, or hearing him play guitar for me, or discussing some random topic while he's enjoying a weekend off than doing the usual college party scene. 

Time is important in a relationship, especially the time you have together, even if "together" means seeing a pixelated image on a computer screen of your significant other. So far, we have sent thousands of emails, chatted an equally staggering amount of hours online and spent many weekends together apart. I always value that time and hope others in a similar relationship situation realize finding time together, knowing one another's schedules and finding creative ways to pass the time when you do get a chance to speak, are the most important things you can do to build a strong relationship.
 
Anyone, Anywhere 09/11/2009
 
She could be anyone and you might not even notice her. The young girl that jumps up and leaves class the second her cell phone rings. The pregnant woman at your church whose spouse always seems to be gone. The fiancée at the airport excitedly hugging her future husband, wedding plans nearly sorted out after months apart.

I never thought much about what it would be like to have a relationship such as these until I began my relationship with Steve. It happened faster than I anticipated, and I had to learn a lot in a short amount of time. Realistically, we had about a week together - yes, one week! - as a couple before he shipped off for his year long tour of duty in South Korea.

Many months later, we're still together, but apart geographically. Our days never line up nice and neat, given the time difference. My afternoons and evenings present a few windows to line up a "Good morning" and a "How is your day going?" when he begins his days 6,000+ miles (and fourteen hours ahead) from where I am.

People probably think we're crazy, and we might be. But we're not really any different from other couples. We just have to work harder at communicating, and we try to do it every day (G-Chat is our preferred mode). It's not always easy, but "we make it work," as I always say. Sometimes it's difficult when no one understands what you're going through, or what it's like to balance your life at home, your own work schedules or school activities, with your long-distance, military relationship. But I'm really not different from other girls.  I could be anyone you encounter.

As we reflect on today, we must not forget those who have sacrificed and continue to sacrifice every day for our freedoms. They pay the price, oftentimes with their own lives, and we have to remember how precious our lives are and how much we ought to appreciate what we have instead of taking it for granted. Anyone's time can come anywhere, but it should not be our focus. We should always appreciate what we have, even if it means we sacrifice our own time for it.